


Five Nights

by Aelia1980



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Beards (Relationships), Established Relationship, M/M, Non AU, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia1980/pseuds/Aelia1980
Summary: 2.300 miles. 120 hours. Five Nights. That's how much time they still have together. Then they will be back in Austin and things will never be the same again.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 11
Kudos: 199





	Five Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t know Jared, Jensen or anyone else mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction, written for “entertainment” and certainly not to hurt mentioned characters. I just borrowed their names, a bit of their background and invented so much more. 
> 
> A/N: This is a new fic I wrote in December. Sometime around the time when the last episode of Supernatural aired, I watched an interview with Jared and I think he mentioned something about hiring a van and driving it over the border to Washington State after they wrapped the last episode. I didn´t quite catch whether it was him driving alone or if Jensen was with him in the van or in a car and whether they drove all the way back to Austin (does anyone know? Maybe he mentioned something else in an interview I missed?) but I quite liked the idea and decided that it would be good fanfic material. While I rather write first time fics, this one is established relationship where their wives are just their beards and it´s quite angsty, with them - esp. Jensen - worrying about their future as a couple - and schmoopy. Anways, I hope you´ll enjoy reading it
> 
> A/N # 2: unbetad, any mistakes are my own

# 1

2.300 miles. 120 hours. Five Nights. That's how much time they still have together. Then they will be back in Austin and things will never be the same again.

They both knew it would happen, once they made the decision to end the show. Yet, back then, at the end of Season Twelve, it had seemed light years away. Even a year ago, when they started shooting the final season, it still was long months on set to look forward to. They both handled it very differently. For Jared, who had always been outgoing and who carried his heart on his sleeve, every day on set was a goodbye. With every episode they wrapped, his heart got a little heavier and more anxious. He wasn't ashamed of showing his emotions and talking about it, of crowding people and giving hugs freely and of weeping a tear, once in a while. Quite contrary to Jensen, who was his usual professional self. Charming and smiling as always, he sometimes even seemed like he couldn't care less that the series he had poured his heart and soul in for one and a half decades was coming to a close after fifteen record breaking seasons. However he really was feeling about the end of _Supernatural_ , Jensen locked it away in a corner of his heart, not talking about it, not even to Jared. He simply did his job, tuning out everything that could confuse him. Jensen had always been the more withdrawn and private, was rarely the sharing and caring kind of guy. Besides, he didn't want to bury Jared, who had his own bag of angst to carry, with his doubts and worries about the uncertainties of their future.

Then, Covid came and everything changed within the blink of an eye. Life was sort of put on a halt, set was closed, and suddenly, Jared and Jensen found themselves back home in Austin, weeks ahead of time with kids they loved and wives they at least respected, the story of the Winchesters still not completely told. The following months were weird and hard. Sure, they didn't have to worry about how to pay for rent or food, but things that had been a matter of course in the past suddenly weren't. Their relationship, established and pretty much unshakable, suddenly had to pass another test. This time, it was not about getting married or having kids, but about not being able to see each other, to touch or to kiss. Sure, sometimes they would sneak out of their houses in the dead of night, and meet in their better half's backyard, but these meetings were far and wide in between those five months. The time apart gave them a first taste of how life would be like in the future, with Jared shooting _Walker_ in Austin and Jensen shooting _The Boys_ in Toronto, and it took a toll on them.

When they saw each other again, as they flew up to Vancouver to finally wrap the series, something was different. They were hungry, kissing and fucking greedily, yet careful, almost hesitant around each other, as if the pandemic had drawn them apart. Jared suddenly found Jensen withdrawn like he had not been for ages. Very quiet, very thoughtful, even careful around him. Sometimes, Jared would watch Jensen from the corner of his eyes, how he reached out his hand to touch Jared's shoulder, knee or thigh, only to draw his hand back before it even came close to Jared. Sometimes, Jared would wake up in the middle of the night, Jensen moaning in his sleep, trashing around in their bed. Sometimes, Jared would spot liquid in those beautiful, emerald eyes. Sometimes, Jensen would fix his eyes on some random spot in the distance, his thoughts somewhere else or he would hide in his trailer, pretending to sleep when Jared entered. Jared tried to talk to his better half, but all he got in return was a shrug of Jensen's shoulder or a sad shake of his head. Jared was at wits end and he was scared. Scared that Jensen didn't have the strength or will to fight anymore. Scared that Jensen wanted to break up.

It was Jared's idea to pack their stuff into a van and drive it home, instead of paying a remover to transport it all the way to Austin. It would steal them time and suspend the unavoidable goodbye. 2.300 long, yet precious miles on a road trip, just like Sam and Dean. For the first time in a long while, a real, warm smile flit over Jensen's face when Jared had suggested that road trip during the long days of quarantine. That was three weeks ago.

Now, the end is there. Over actually. Bobby's last ever “cut” from a few hours ago is still ringing in Jared's ears as he steps out of the shower, toweling off his body and slipping into nothing but comfortable boxers. He leaves the en-suit bathroom and steps into the bedroom of the apartment he shared with Jensen in the past years. Of course, Jensen still rented a place of his own, for the rare times when Danneel was up in Vancouver with the kids and to use it for appearances sake, but all in all, this three bedroom apartment was their refuge up here in Canada.

His better half is sitting on the bed, pillows in his back but not touching his head, staring at the pages of a book he doesn't read. Jared sits down next to Jensen, gently taking the book out of his slightly trembling hands and enveloping them with his own. They are ice cold, despite the autumn evening sun that is warming their bedroom. “Would you please talk to me, Jen?” Jared asks gently. “Tell me what's going on?”

Jensen doesn't say a thing, just bites his lip and shakes his head almost imperceptibly.

“You scare me, Jensen,” Jared admits. “I wish I knew what burdens your mind.” He sighs, rubbing warmth into the cold, dry skin of Jensen's hands. “You know you can tell me everything.”

Jensen leans into Jared, and Jared takes the invitation, letting go of Jensen's hands and curling his arm around his waist instead, pulling Jensen close. “I know that,” Jensen says eventually, his voice sounding raw. “I'm just not ready yet.”

Jared accepts it, just like that. He knows his partner well enough. You can't force Jensen to talk if he doesn't want to. He is stubborn and private, and other than Jared, Jensen never just babbles, but only speaks when he has something to say. “I'll be there,” Jared promises as he moves his thumb in small, soft circles over Jensen's side. “Do you want to go out? Say goodbye to the city? Celebrate the end?”

Jensen shakes his head. “If it's okay, I'd rather stay here, with you. It's safer and it's just you and me.”

“Course it's okay,” Jared assures him. They said their goodbyes in the past weeks anyways, going to some of the places in the city that holds a special meaning for them; visiting their favorite restaurants and bars, walking by Jared's old house or the park they went to with the dogs. “Is there anything I can do for you? Anything you need?”

Jensen smiles genuinely and for a moment, his eyes light up. “I'm good, here, with you. I have everything I need.”

“Sap,” Jared calls him gently, leaning back just a little, into the many pillows at the headrest of their bed and making himself comfortable.

Jensen puts his head to rest on Jared's chest and as Jared moves his arm just a little to pull him close, he feels Jensen relax. Jared pulls the cover over their bodies, tucking them both in. He looks at Jensen closely. Freckles scattered over fair skin. Wrinkles, deep around beautiful green eyes and just fine lines around Jensen's mouth. Gray streaks in his spiked hair. Jensen has aged well, yet, for the first time, Jared can see that his better half isn't young anymore. They have both grown, from insecure boys to confident men, to fathers, husbands and partners. He has known this man for fifteen years now and has loved him for almost as long. Sympathy turned to friendship. Friendship turned to closeness, trust and eventually, love. They have made heartbreaking and life-changing decisions together, went through thick and thin. Sometimes, their relationship teetered on the edge of a knife but they fought, for their love and for each other, and in the end, they always won. They are strong.

Jensen's hand moves over Jared's belly, still far too cold fingers ghosting over his defined abs. Jared curls his hand around those fingers, twining them together. “I'm sorry I'm such a downer, Jay. I know, we probably should celebrate. But I just don't feel like it.”

“I understand.” Jared really does. He himself is torn, between crying and celebrating and doing neither seems like a good compromise. Besides, they have done both already. They shared their tears, when they made the decision and announced it to the fans, and they celebrated, back on set in March, on the last day with Misha. The way their story ended now – Sam and Dean's but theirs at well – was just a halfhearted attempt thanks to Covid. Better than nothing, yet not the way it would and should have ended, if things were normal. “You good?”

“Here with you? More than good,” Jensen answers, kissing a random spot on Jared's chest. “In general, not so much.” Jensen sighs. “It's many things that burden me, Jared. Past, present and future. Our lives, our jobs. And I don't want to burden you with them.”

Jared snorts. Ever since his breakdown, Jensen has been walking around on eggshells with him when it came to things like that. While in the early days of their friendship, Jensen had not been sharing, simply because he did not trust Jared enough, he stopped sharing everything after Jared confided in him about his depression and anxiety, simply because Jensen wanted to protect him. He meant well, Jared knows, but in a way, Jensen made it worse, not better. For Jared, the sharing and caring part of a relationship is as important than the physical part. “I know you want to protect me, Jen. But I'm not a kid. Whatever it is, I can handle.”

“It's just thoughts, Jay,” Jensen remarks, his warm breath ghosting over Jared's skin. “Insecurities. Worries. It's -”

“Worse enough to steal your sleep or to give you nightmares. To barely eat. To drain the warmth from your body and to make you tremble. To make you cry. And it won't just go away, if you're bottling it up. It will only make matters worse, not better. Believe me.”

“You're not my shrink, Jared,” Jensen says quietly, gently playing with Jared's fingers.

“No, I'm not. I'm your partner. The ying to your yang and all that shit. Eleven years ago, we took a vow, Jensen. And this vow, the promise we made, carried us through all the storms in our lives. Through real, fake marriages, through fights and long hiatuses apart. It will also carry us to whatever life has up its sleeve for us now. We are strong.” Jared speaks with such determination that it conjures a little smile up on Jensen's lips.

Silence stretches between them. It is not uncomfortable, but it is expectant. Jared can almost see how the little wheels in his better half's mind are turning, how Jensen weighs cons and pros as he comes to a decision, whether or what he can or wants to share with Jared. “Is it okay if I tell you bit by bit? In the darkness of our bedrooms? Deep in the night?”

“Like at a sleepover, when little girls confide in their best friend forever?” Jared chuckles “You're such a girl, Jensen,” Jared teases, but there is warmth, not venom in his voice. “If that's what you need to confide in me, it's fine.” He pulls Jensen a little closer and tightens his grip around his fingers. “I guess we should try to catch some sleep then. There is still some things to pack tomorrow morning and the road back to Austin is long.”

“It isn't even 9 pm yet, Jare,” Jensen states after a quick look at the alarm clock that is standing on his nightstand.

“I know. But we're both tired, man. It's been an emotional day. So just sleep, Jen.” He brushes his lips over Jensen's, moistening the dry cushions with the tip of his tongue and asking for entrance that Jensen gives gladly. The older man sighs into the kiss and deepens it, lets his tongue dance with Jared's, sucks and nibbles on Jared's lips gently, smiling into the kiss before breaking it and burying his head in the crook of Jared's neck. Jared pulls Jensen as close as he can and lets his warmth and love seep into him, until he falls asleep.

~~~~~~

Jared wakes up, a few minutes after midnight. The spot next to him is empty and the door leading into the hallway ajar. Jared lets his hand glide over the sheets where Jensen was sleeping. They are still warm. He gets up, getting the blanket out of the box where he put it just a few hours ago and steps out of the room, heading towards their living-room. He finds Jensen exactly where Jared knew he would; sitting on the floor, Indian style, in front of the huge panoramic windows, that offer a spectacular view of the city. He spreads the blanket over Jensen's shoulders before joining him on the floor, sitting close enough that Jensen can feel his warmth and company, yet not close enough to touch him. Cold from the hardwood floor seeps into Jared's skin, but he simply ignores it. If being cold means bearing his better half silent company, it is a small sacrifice Jared makes gladly.

“I love you, Jared,” Jensen says, into the darkness and quietness of the room. He sounds dead serious. “Yet, sometimes I wish we hadn't fallen in love. Sometimes I wish, we still were just best friends, nothing less, but also nothing more. Sometimes I wish, I would have ignored those butterflies in my belly, whenever you smiled at me and the love and lust I saw in your eyes. It'd make things easier now. Saying goodbye. Going our separate ways.”

Jared doesn't know what to say. It hurts, but it is undeniably the truth. Things would have been easier, not only today but countless times in the past. He moves a little, just enough to slide behind Jensen and, opening his legs, Jared pulls him in between, wraps his arms around Jensen and tugs him against his chest. “Sometimes, love hurts, Jensen. It means to make sacrifices and compromises and do things you don't want to do. Like lying or bearding and all the other things we had and still have to do. But some things are just meant to be. And I think, we were meant to be, Jensen. If I look back at those years with you, I regret some things, some decision we made, but I will never regret that first kiss and everything that came after. Because this? Here with you? Having you in my arms and feeling your warmth and just being with you? This here alone was worth it.” He buries his face into Jensen's neck, takes in the familiar scent and peppers some random kisses over the skin, moving north, nibbling at Jensen's ear gently. He feels a shiver running down Jensen's spine.

“You're not mad,” Jensen breaths out, sounding both surprised and relieved.

“No baby, I'm not mad. I'm sad you feel this way, because what we have is good, despite all the crap that came with it, but I'll never be mad at you for unburdening your heart, Jen. And you know, a goodbye will always be followed by a hello sooner or later and we'll never really go separate ways, anyways. We'll manage.”

Jensen turns a little in Jared's embrace, just enough to press his lips against Jared's. Moaning into the kiss, Jared sucks at Jensen's lips gently, teasing his tongue and letting it in between his own lips, while he lets the tip glide over teeth and gums, tasting the last remains of toothpaste, mouthwash and just Jensen. Their breathing gets harsher and he feels Jensen's fingers glide over his skin, not cold anymore, but warm, soft fingertips leaving burning traces wherever Jensen touches him. “God Jen,” Jared groans, as Jensen slides his hand further south and between the crack of his ass, rubbing his finger up and down there, laughing deeply. He tugs at the waistband of Jared's boxers, releasing his better half's impressive cock and catches it in his hands. For a few heartbeats, Jensen does nothing other than holding it between his palms, locking his eyes with Jared's while he does so, before he starts attending to it. After all those years, the older man knows exactly what Jared likes, and he does just that, massaging his better half's dick in just the right way, tongue and lips helping his fingers eventually. Jared is long gone, a gibbering mess reduced to monosyllabic pleas, his eyes on half mast, his loins burning, as Jensen's fingers, mouth, lips and teeth seem to be everywhere, on cock, balls, pubic hair and his hole. It's a release as he finally comes, shooting his load against Jensen's face. Laughing, Jensen licks some of the cum away from his lips before leaning down on the floor and tugging Jared with him.

Both their hearts race as if they ran for miles and Jensen puts his hand above Jared's, feeling the steady beat against his fingertips. He cuddles close, lets himself embrace by Jared who is holding on tight, showing him what he told him just minutes ago: it was all worth it.

# 2

They set their alarm clock at 6 am. Far too early for both their liking, but the road to Austin is long and there is still stuff to pack. They have a shower together, getting a little dirty before washing the sweat and tiredness of the night away and start packing their remaining belongings, carrying one box after the next down to the van they hired and that is already quite full with dozens of boxes and some furniture. At 8:30 am, they head out for a last breakfast in a cafe just around the corner where they had many breakfasts on lazy weekends. Jensen seems a little better than in the days before, smiling that smile that curls the wrinkles around his eyes so beautifully and while he can't touch Jared openly, he is playing footsie with him. Once their plates are empty and the second mug of coffee is drunk, they return to their apartment, shoulders bumping. A last visit to the bathroom is followed by a last check of every closet, cupboard and drawer, just to make sure that they packed everything.

“That's it, then,” Jensen states, looking around the apartment that has been their home up here in Vancouver. It protected them, gave them the chance to be them, Jared and Jensen, men, lovers and partners, not actors on the longest running mystery show in the US. Jared's arm curls around Jensen's waist, squeezing it gently, the warmth of his fingers seeping through Jensen's shirt into his skin. Both are quiet for a while, lost in thoughts and memories, not quite yet ready to turn around and leave. Only when Jared takes his eyes away from the familiar sight of the living-room, now looking empty and neutral, with all their personal belongings gone and cups Jensen's cheek with his free hand to catch his lips in an uncommonly chaste kiss, are they ready to go. For once not caring who might see them, they walk down the stairs hand in hand.

~~~~~~

They take turns driving every few hours, and take it nice and slow on that first day, not rushing down the roads like Sam and Dean did. Every two hours, they stop at a rest area, stretching their legs or grabbing a bite. The roads, normally full with oversea tourists in this time of year, are emptier than normal, which gives them more privacy. Mostly, their van is the only one in the parking lot and like iron drawn to a magnet, Jared and Jensen are drawn to each other. Sometimes, it's only shoulders brushing or hands twined together, sometimes it's a kiss, a hand melting into a cheek or a hug, the familiar scent of the respective other mingling with the fresh countryside air of Washington State. On that first night on the road, they only make it as far as Hermiston. They check into a moderate motel, not even bothering with getting a room with two queens. They get dinner at a diner, burger, fries and beer, not thinking about the grease and the calories that come with it. They stroll through the town, just to get a bit of exercise for their legs, not really being used of driving that many miles in one go.

Once they are back at the motel, they share a shower. Lips, tongue, fingers and hands seem to be everywhere, kissing, sucking, nibbling, tasting, petting and stroking, while the water is thundering down on Jared and Jensen like heavy rain and all the steam encases them. Only when the water runs lukewarm, do they turn off the faucet and step out into the small bathroom, toweling themselves off with too raw towels smelling of vinegar.

They slip beneath the covers, legs entangled and hands entwined, chest pressed against chest and foreheads touching, the only source of light the outdoor lightning seeping through the old-fashioned orange curtains. Jared feels the tiredness in his bones, an exhaustion different from the one caused by long days of shooting that was his companion in the last fifteen years and he is already half-asleep, when he feels Jensen's lips ghosting over his jaw and up towards his ear.

“Don't you sometimes wish we made other choices in the past? Decided against staying in the closet? Had just come out and be proud of who we are, instead of hiding behind beards?”

Suddenly, Jared is wide awake and he opens his eyes, looking into the vague outline of Jensen's face. He doesn't answer at once, but thinks about the question. Does he wish that things were different? Would things be easier if they had come out and had been true to each other? “Just sometimes, Jensen,” Jared replies eventually. “But honestly? I try not to think about it too often. Because we can't know what would have happened if we had come out.” He lets go of Jensen's hand, just to trace his index finger over the outline of Jensen's face instead, cradling his head in his palm in the end. “We might have lost everything... Not just our jobs, but also our families and maybe, in the end, each other. We surely would not have those six beautiful kids we have. I'm not exactly happy that we have to lie, but,” Jared shrugs, thinking about the weeks when they made the decision, the many talks and tears,“ I still think it was the best compromise we could get, despite the big sacrifice it meant and still means.” He moves his thumb along Jensen's neck, drawing soft circles into the soft skin there. A part of him is ashamed for the decision they made, for the lying and hiding. They are a disgrace to the LGBT community, to other actors or actresses who had dared to come out and all the other women and men all around the world who stand up for who they are and risk so much more than losing their job for it. It probably makes them cowards, thirsty for money and fame. It makes it look as if their career was more important to them than who they are. Thing is, there were a handful of reasons why they decided to stay in the closet and go the very extreme way of getting married to women who are nothing but beards, and their careers was only on the bottom of the list. And it never was about money and fame, either. “Do you regret it, Jen?”

“Not right now,” Jensen answers, “but sometimes. Like every hiatus, when we can't see each other that often. Like in summer, when we had to sneak into each other's houses like burglars. Christmas or Thanksgiving. Or at JIB, when Daniela pushes me into the Cockles and Destiel crap. Sometimes, I just wish I could hold your hand openly and kiss you, no matter where we are and not just in the sanctuary of the boat house or your guest house or a hotel room. Gosh, we even lie to our own kids and parents and that's just... sickening,” Jensen spits out.

“We lie to our kids to protect us, and to protect them. Texas is not exactly the most open minded state to be gay or well, grow up as the kids of a gay couple, you know that, Jensen. We've talked about it,” Jared explains gently, moving his hand down Jensen's shoulder, rubbing his upper arm before placing his hand far and wide above Jensen's heart. “I know it's not ideal, but last I looked, the other option also didn't look ideal.”

Jensen doesn't object. “I know, Jay. It's just, with the show ending... I tend to think too much about what it gave us, but also what it cost us. The end of Supernatural... it's so massive and I just can't help that all these thoughts are whirling through my mind.”

“I understand, baby,” Jared acknowledges. “I really do. And I'm glad you decided to share your thoughts with me. I know you always try to protect me and try to carry your baggage alone, but it's good that you let me help carrying it. I'm here to listen.”

Murmuring contentedly, Jensen buries his face in Jared's neck, breathing in and out. “That's one of the many reasons why I love you so much, Jare,” Jensen whispers against his collarbone. “That you care so much for the people you love, for me.” With his hand spread wide on Jared's waist, Jensen falls asleep.

# 3

They sleep in the next morning, are in no hurry to continue their long ride home. Jensen kisses Jared awake gently, warm lips on his mouth and cheek, day old stubble scratching against Jared's skin as Jensen moves his lips further south, sucking Jared's nipples, tongue gliding over sleep warm skin or gently poking into Jared's belly button. Fingertips follow lips and tongue, petting and stroking in their own gentle way as shiver after shiver of well-being and lust is running through Jared. With his eyes half-closed, he lets Jensen reduce him to a shivering, needy and pleading mess, just takes in the caresses and endearments, the lips and fingers dancing over his cock and balls. The lube Jensen prepares him with is cool at first touch, but the warmth and want that spreads through Jared as Jensen does the most wonderful things to him chases that feeling away quickly. He gives himself up to his lover, lets him do whatever Jensen wants, until finally, Jared feels Jensen inside him, big and warm. For the first time in weeks, its not a rough fuck, but a gentle love making, tender movements accompanied by hands spread warm and wide on Jared's waist. They both come pretty much at the same time with their better half's name escaping their lips. Once Jensen slides out, Jared turns just enough to pull him snug against his chest, already missing the intimate connection with his better half. If he can't feel Jensen inside him, he at least wants to feel as much of Jensen pressed against him. Jared holds him, as tight as possible, savoring that feeling, of their hearts beating rapidly against each other's chest, their slowly calming breathing ghosting over skin and Jensen's warm, so familiar form in his arms.

“I love you, Jared,” Jensen declares, and there are actually tears swimming in his eyes. It makes something inside Jared grow very tight, until it feels like he's suffocating and suddenly Jared is scared that they won't make it, and that he'll lose Jensen, bit by bit in the next few months until he is just a memory. He holds onto Jensen just a little tighter, locks this feeling of love and of being loved in his heart, to remember it, for when they are apart and for strength, in case they really have to fight for each other.

~~~~~~

They both drift away, just to wake up to the sound of the landlady knocking, cordially reminding them that they should have checked out half an hour ago. Laughing, they have a quick shower together, skin against skin, fighting the urge of lust and need before they pack the little they unpacked and check out, handing the landlady a generous tip. It's almost noon when they finally leave Hermiston, their bellies full with a late breakfast slash early lunch and the van stocked with cupcakes, fresh sandwiches and freshly brewed coffees in their to go cups.

They drive down Route 84 in a moderate speed, listening to the radio, changing stations once in a while. Sometimes, they just share a comfortable silence, sometimes, they talk, about mutual friends or acquaintances, family, kids, even heavy stuff like politics or the virus. They just passed Boise, when Jensen releases a shaky breath, looking at Jared, who is driving and states, “It's only slowly sinking in. In a way, I still can't believe it's over.”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees. He is on the same page as Jensen here. They might have had months to prepare that the show is coming to an end, but now, as it happened, it feels massive. _Supernatural_ , Vancouver... it has been such a huge and important part of their lives for the last fifteen years that it's still hard to wrap their minds around its end. “It feels like splitting up with a girlfriend you still adore but are not in love with anymore. Bittersweet.”

“Everything we are, we are because of that show, Jay. If Eric had not cast us, we -”

Jared laughs. “Really? Are you going down that road now? Because Jensen, even if Eric had not cast us, I'm sure, we would have met. We were just supposed to meet. It was our destiny.” He likes the thought, of Jensen being his destiny. It's a thought he clings onto often, when depression takes a hold of him and things are rough. There is a sign for a rest area, and he drives down the road and stops the van. There is another car, parked a few yards away from where Jared brought their van to a halt. Jared ignores it, takes his hands off the steering wheel and wraps them around Jensen's instead. “We were meant to be, Jensen. I'm sure of it. And that's exactly why I'm also sure that we will make it. Even if we can't be together for weeks or even months, we'll always come back to each other.” Squeezing Jensen's hands once, he lets go, only to draw Jensen against his chest and enfold him in his arms. “We'll be good, baby,” he promises, before kissing Jensen tenderly, all lips and just a bit of tongue, smiling against the kiss. He lets go, combing his fingers through Jensen's hair. “Instead of being so melancholic about the end, we should remember all the fun we had,” Jared prompts as he starts the motor again. He smiles broadly, as he suddenly remembers the first prank they played on Misha, reminiscing it and it lures a chuckle out of Jensen. Just five minutes later, their laughter booms through the van, as they throw memories at each other. Jared takes his hand off the steering wheel, palm up, and Jensen takes the invitation, twining it with his own. For a while, they just hold hands while walking down memory lane together.

~~~~~~

It's way past 9 pm when Jensen parks the van in front of a hotel in Brigham City. Rubbing their eyes, they are both tired after over eight hours in the van, their knees cramped, their bellies hungry. A shower together, thumbs pushing into hurting shoulders and hot water easing the pain a little, deft strokes to get each other off. After, they tumble onto the bed, kissing sloppily, but are too tired for anything more. Thankfully, the hotel has room service; the selection is not big, just salad, burger and sandwiches, but it's quick and beats the alternative of going out and looking for a diner, bar or restaurant. It doesn't even taste bad and once their hunger is stilled, they both fall back into bed, Jensen gently rubbing his hand over Jared's belly, his head resting against Jared's chest, Jared's own hand spread wide, sort of possessively above Jensen's heart. It feels good, sharing this moment of togetherness with Jensen. It puts Jared at ease, calms him down and helps him to relax. He tries not to freak, but can't help thinking about Jensen leaving him in January for Toronto. In case the pandemic isn't gone by then – and right now it doesn't look like it – it will mean months away from the man he loves, simply because neither work schedule allows them to go on quarantine for two weeks. It scares him. Jared knows they are strong but he can't help feeling lonely, just thinking about letting Jensen go. So he relishes this time with his partner, touching and caressing him and being caressed by Jensen and he locks it in his heart, always to remember and never to forget.

# 4

Jared wakes up in the middle of the night, Jensen tossing and turning anxiously beside him, his breathing harsh. As he puts his hand on Jensen's upper arm, Jared feels cold sweat on the warm skin. He squeezes Jensen's arm, gently waking him up. “Jen,” he whispers. “Wake up. It's just a bad dream.” He lets his hand run up and down Jensen's arm, tenderly petting him back to reality and looking at him. Skin pale, Jensen's freckles stick out more prominently than usual and as Jared switches on the light on his nightstand, he sees a sheen of sweat glistening on Jensen's forehead. “Just a bad dream,” Jared consoles his partner again, watching Jensen's heavy lids slowly opening, closing and opening again before a slightly uncoordinated hand rubs his eyes, like a little kid would. It looks adorable, and it tugs at Jared's heart, increases the urge to protect Jensen, to make sure that he will be alright. Only once Jensen is more awake than asleep, does Jared let go and gets up, to get a glass of water from the mini bar he gently pushes into a slightly trembling hand. As Jensen slowly yet thirstily empties it, Jared fetches a towel from the bathroom, swabbing it over Jensen's forehead, arms, neck and back. “Want to tell me about it?” Jared asks as he joins Jensen in bed again, his fingers a light weight on Jensen's.

Biting his lips, Jensen shakes his head a little, yet starts to speak after a while. “It was just dark, Jay. All shades of gray, inky, darkest black. It was my life, without you in it,” he breaths out.

Jared swallows hard. There has been a time when this could have become Jensen's reality, but it was years ago. Nowadays, he is stable. He has people he can confide him, people who catch him when he falls and many reasons to keep fighting, three kids and Jensen on top of the list. “Not gonna happen,” he promises.

“I can't lose you,” Jensen says. His voice is shaking, sounding desperate. He is, Jared realizes. He is worried and scared, anxious, but he is also strong. Jared knows he is. Jensen's strength helped him fight.

“You won't lose me, Jen,“ Jared vows, playing with Jensen's fingers for a bit before pressing the fingertips against his lips. It's sappy, but it's what they both need right now.

“You can't know that,” Jensen whispers. “What if there is a freak accident on set or you get run over by a bus or catch the vir -”

“Shut up, Jensen,” Jared admonishes him gently. “Something like that can always happen. I could trip right here in the bathroom and break my neck.” Jensen takes in a sharp, hurting, scared breath. “And that's not what I meant. What I meant was that I'm not going to leave you, Jensen. If my life ends tomorrow, I can't change my destiny, but even then, I'll never truly leave you, okay? I will always be with you. If not literally, just like now, I'll be in your thoughts. And as long as I am with you, your life won't be dark, okay?”

Jensen releases a shaky breath as he puts his forehead against Jared's. “Okay,” he says as Jared's arms wrap him in and ground him.

“Now try to relax and sleep some bit. I'll reset the clock, give us an additional hour of sleep. More important than covering miles,” Jared decides as he grabs his cell and resets the alarm before switching off the light. He curls himself around his better half, a gesture as if he wants to protect Jensen from all the bad in the world, and brushes his fingers over his neck until Jensen finally falls asleep again.

~~~~~~

“I'm sorry I was such a wuss last night,” Jensen apologies as he stops at a red light on their way back Route 84. “It's just -”

Jared silences him with a quick kiss, just lips pressed against lips, drawing back once the light turns green again. “No need to apologize, Jen. Happens to all of us.” It's never been truer. Jared went through his own deal of rough nights in the past decade. Insomnia, nightmares or just being restless and more often than not, Jensen was with him; brewing him cocoa or tea, holding him, listening to music, watching TV or sometimes even reading to him. “Just, you know, talk to me. Or someone else. Dani, Mac, Jason, a shrink. I don't care. Just don't let it eat you up. If I've learned one thing since my breakdown it's that it's better to ask for help. Not easier, but better.”

Taking his hand off the steering wheel, Jensen takes Jared's hand, squeezing it once and placing it on his thigh. Jared takes the invitation gladly. He is still a sucker for touches and physical connection, despite getting older and Jensen will always be one of his favorite person to shower with affection. He lets the warmth of his hand seep into Jensen's skin, once in a while moving his hand down to his knee and up again. Not wanting to distract Jensen, his hand stays away from Jensen's crotch, though. The touch is not about sex and want, it's about having a connection with the man he loves and who would be his husband, if things were different. From time to time, Jensen takes his hand off the steering wheel, putting it above Jared's, his thumb brushing over Jared's knuckles. Jared only lets go when Jensen stops at a gas station to refill the tank and stretch his legs.

“Do you still want to visit your aunt in Denver?” Jared asks as he hands Jensen a mug of steaming coffee.

“Sure,” Jensen confirms. “Not sure if we make it all the way to Denver today, it's still roughly four hundred miles and I really don't want to rush anything. She'll be happy to have us, whether it's for dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow.”

“Make it breakfast tomorrow,” Jared decides. “I really don't want to bother her tonight, because let's be honest, we won't make it to Denver before 9 pm. Let's get a hotel, sleep in and go see her tomorrow morning. Still gives us enough time to drive to Salina.”

“Home to Kansas,” Jensen banters as he gets into the passenger seat. It's Jared's turn to drive.

“Indeed. I'll just call Gen, tell her we'll need one or two extra days.”

“Won't she be pissed?”

Jared shrugs. “I don't care. It's not my goal in life to make my beard happy all the time, Jen. To be honest, I'm dreading the next weeks, being stuck with her until I start shooting Walker.”

“And even there she'll be around, once in a while,” Jensen states.

Jared rolls his eyes. “You know how she is. If I want her to keep our little secret, I need to make a sacrifice, from time to time.”

Jensen sighs, his eyes fixed on Jared as he pulls out his cell and speed dials his wife's number. He walks a few steps. Not because he doesn't want Jensen to overhear his conversation, but because he wants to move before he is stuck in the van for another two hours. He's just not used to driving that much and that long and is glad that Jensen shares the load with him. The call is quick. He asks how the kids are, if there are any significant news and then tells her, without much preamble, that he won't be home for three more days. She doesn't sound too disappointed and Jared suspects that she's meeting someone. He doesn't care, as long as they are as discreet as he is with Jensen.

He returns to the car, claps Jensen's shoulder, squeezing once, and heads to the driving seat. “Let's go Jen, the road is long.”

They stop quite often as they make their way down Route 80 through Wyoming. The views are beautiful and the air feels fresh and clean. Jensen takes some photos with his cell, snapshots of Jared or selfies. Jensen has always enjoyed taking photos, but lately he has taken more than in recent years. Maybe it's one of his ways to cope, to catch the moments they share in pictures and to have something to look at when he's up in Toronto. Jared makes sure that the selfies turn out nice; hugging Jensen from behind, resting his head on his shoulder, spreading his hand wide on Jensen's chest or kissing his cheek.

“Thank you,” Jensen says after another selfie taken, turning around in Jared's arms and hugging him tightly. “Thank you for giving me these memories.” His voice is shaking with emotion, and Jared can't do anything much but hold on to him and scatter butterfly kisses over his jaw and cheek. “We can make many more memories in the future,” Jared promises.

~~~~~~  
  


It's almost 10 pm when they step into their hotel room for the night. All their breaks and Jared's insatiable hunger added to their time on the road. They do not talk much as they get ready for the night, brushing their teeth and sharing a shower, but their hands are as gentle as always. Arms wrapped around Jared from behind and body pressed against the tiles, slippery from water and steam, Jensen fucks him, not hungry or heated, but oh so gently. It feels tighter than usual as he presses into Jared, moves back and forth in tiny thrusts. Once he comes and slides out of Jared, he holds him even tighter and rocks him in his arms and when Jared moves just enough, so he can kiss Jensen, he sees his face is wet from so much more than the water that is splashing down on them. It tugs at his heartstrings, this sight of the man he loves, crying, after he literally made love to him. There is nothing Jared can say, so he gently thumbs the tears away after he has switched off the water and holds Jensen as the levee breaks. Jensen collapses against Jared, a shivering, sniffing, crying bundle and Jared gently maneuvers him out of the shower stall, wraps him into the fluffy hotel towel and guides him to their bed. He towels himself off quickly, without leaving Jensen out of sight and is back with him in an instant, spooning Jensen from head to toe.

“Shh Jen,” he consoles Jensen, “it's okay. I'm here. Like I told you last night, you won't lose me.”

“I'm so, so scared, Jared,” Jensen finally admits. “It scares me, the knowledge that I won't be able to see you for months. What if you need me? And I can't be there for you because I'm stuck in Toronto? I just... I love you so much Jared and the thought of not seeing you for...” A shiver runs through Jensen, underlining his words. Problem is, there is nothing much Jared can say to make it better, especially because it scares him, too. “It also worries me, Jen,” Jared replies. There is no need to sugarcoat it. “Scares the shit out of me, not seeing you, for weeks, for months. But um,” he bites his lips. “We always knew it would happen, once you signed the contract for The Boys. We -”

“I wish I hadn't,” Jensen sniffs. “It's not worth it.”

“It's just four months, baby. Sixteen weeks, give or take. Once I finished shooting Walker, I'll fly up and if it's the last thing I do. And who knows, maybe, hopefully things will be better in spring. Maybe, there is no need to quarantine once you get the vaccination. But whatever happens, Jensen, we'll manage. We will make video calls as often as we can, send messages or old fashioned emails or letters, whatever. I know it's not the same than touching, hugging, kissing and fucking, but we will be good. I promise.” Jared lets go and returns with a handful of tissues. Jensen looks pathetically, but in a way, it touches Jared deeply. Tough, untouchable Jensen Ackles, crying like a baby because he has to temporarily say goodbye to his lover. “So many couples are separated. Just think about all those men and women on deployment and their loved ones at home. It's so much worse for them, Jen. At least, we are not in mortal danger.”

Turning around in Jared's arms, Jensen sniffs again. He still looks devastated, yet there is a hint of pink on his cheek, as if he is ashamed of his crying fit. “You're right, Jared. I probably overact. I promise to man up. I'm so-”

“No need to be sorry, Jen,” Jared cuts in gently. “It's only human. I like it, when you can be like that with me. If the fans could see you... The real you, they'd be surprised of all your facets, Jensen. I love that you can show them to me.”

“I feel safe with you,” Jensen whispers, nuzzling Jared's neck. “That's why I let my guard down. No need for self protection when I'm with you.” He leans in, brushing his lips over Jared's.

Jensen gets up, rubs the last remaining moisture off his skin and throws the towel back on the rack in the bathroom. Jared lets his eyes glide over Jensen's naked body. The big toes. The slightly bowed leg, the proud cock and the heavy balls. Hips and waist, not as narrow as his own, but not flabby, either. A nicely defined abs and chest. Nipples worth sucking. Gentle hands, capable of so much. Jensen's face, so beloved. And his smile. Jared loves that smile. It makes his heart flutter, every time that smile is directed at him. Jared knows each scar, every freckle, mole and wrinkle of that desirable and wonderful man. “You're beautiful, Jensen,” Jared states. “So beautiful. Even when your face is all red and puffy from crying.” Jensen smiles, uncommonly shy, more color creeping into his face. Jared knows, compliments like that embarrass him. Years ago, Jared asked him what it feels like to be so handsome, how it feels to look into the mirror and what he thinks whenever he looks at himself or sees a photo of himself. He still remembers the way Jensen blushed, him saying he has never seen himself as beautiful, pretty or handsome, that he is just normal and even if he above average, it's not his doing, but a God given gift, like a talent. His modesty made Jared love him even more.

“So are you, Jared,” Jensen returns the compliment, looking Jared into his eyes. He slips into a fresh pair of briefs and a tee, pours himself a glass of water and empties it in one, deep gulp before slipping beneath the covers. He reaches out, touches Jared's face and curls a strand of his hair around his fingers. “Something else I'll miss. I love your mane.”

“Walker can't run around like Sam, baby,” Jared offers an explanation that is not needed.

“Yeah I know. Maybe you can give me some strands of your hair and I put it in a vial or locket, like in the old days, and carry it around with me, and just, you know, make a Jared clone for me to keep in Toronto,” Jensen deadpans.

It makes Jared smile, simply because it's a sign that, for the moment, Jensen is feeling better and lighter. “Mmm, I also wouldn't mind a Jensen clone,” he admits. “Maybe a little dumber than the real you, just to keep him as a fuck buddy.” Jared wriggles his brow, chuckling.

Jensen snorts. “You wish. I'm not for cloning. I'm unique.”

“That you're, Jen,” Jared agrees, pulling Jensen snug against his chest. “Let's catch some hours of shut eye. We both need sleep and tomorrow, things will look a little brighter. Sleep tight, my love,” he whispers, kissing the corner of Jensen's mouth and thumbing over the scratchy stubble gently.

“Good night, Jare. Love you.” Jared knows Jensen does. He's known it for over a decade, even before they had kissed. But like always, when Jensen tells him, there is a slight flutter in his belly and warmth spreading through his whole body. The knowledge that this beautiful, kind, wonderful and talented man loves him is a little piece of heaven and the greatest gift of all.

# 5

It's almost noon when they wave Jensen's aunt goodbye, their bellies full and warm with a delicious breakfast and coffee. Jared throws a quick look as he stops at a red light, noticing how happy Jensen looks today. Carefree. His laughter from this morning is still ringing in Jared's ears and whatever his aunt told Jensen while Jared stowed away a stack of fresh homemade sandwiches, it cheered him up, more than that. It helped him to cope. Jared is grateful. Years ago, he would have been jealous that his boyfriend entrusts someone else, not just him, but he has long learned that there are things you have to talk to with an outsider, just to get another perspective on things.

“I wish we could stay longer in the area,” Jensen remarks. “Go to the Rockies, stay somewhere in a cozy cabin, hiking or cycling, doing couple stuff.”

It's a nice idea, but as much as Jared likes the thought of sneaking away for a couple of days for a spontaneous vacation in the mountains, they just can't do it. They haven't seen their kids for over a month, and this road trip is all they could steal. “How about we do it next year, Jen?”

“If we can fit it into our schedules, yeah,” Jensen answers, though there is a darkness creeping over his face, freezing the smile on his lips.

“I'll make sure we can,” Jared promises but the almost imperceptible shake of Jensen's head silences any other promise he wanted to make. It's clear that Jensen doesn't believe him and Jared can't really blame him. He'll be the only lead on his show and with the added responsibility as a producer, his work load will be immense.

“I'll be shooting when you're on hiatus,” Jensen says with a neutral voice. “You'll be shooting when I'm on hiatus. I -” A shudder runs through Jensen, and a sob escapes his throat.

“Pull up,” Jared commands quite gently, although something inside him is dreading that talk. There is a turn out and Jensen brings the van to a halt.

“Jensen? Do you want to break up?” Jared's voice is shaking. He can't believe that they're suddenly having this conversation. Just an hour ago Jensen was in such a good mood and now he's honestly asking him about the end.

“No, Jared. I think our schedules will do that for us.”

The words hang heavy between the two men, like a inky storm cloud. Jensen's lips are quivering, and there are tears clouding his eyes and Jared's own eyes are blurred with liquid, too. And then, Jared makes a decision. “Jensen,” he takes his partner's hand in his. “We might not be legally married, but years ago we took a vow and I'll never break that vow. I will always put you first, Jensen. If our schedules are really that tight, if we barely manage to see each other, I promise to cut back. Quit being a producer, ask them for another lead, if worst comes to worst, quit the show. I will never jeopardize our relationship for my job. You and the kids are what counts in my life. Not being an actor.” He doesn't expect Jensen to make the same sacrifice, simply because it's Jensen who is an exceptionally gifted actor, not himself. For Jensen, it never was about money or fame, but about acting itself. Jared doesn't want to take that away from the man he loves. But as he looks into Jensen's eyes, the two day old stubble with the first gray in it, he knows, Jensen will follow suit, so they can both have that work life balance it comes down to in the end.

Jensen reaches out, thumbing the tears away from Jared's cheek. “Yeah,” he agrees. “We come first.” He lets his hand run down Jared's face, along the line of his neck and his shoulder, placing it above Jared's heart in the end. “I also promise to cut back,” Jensen vows and there is not a hint of doubt in his voice. “I love acting, but not as much as I love you.”

Warmth spreads through Jared. They are good. They'll manage, like they've always done so far. It won't be perfect, not until they leave their beards and lies behind and come out, but it will be okay. He smiles, chasing the last few tears in his eyes away, and places his own hand above Jensen's, lacing their fingers together before leaning into his better half and kissing him. First, it's just lips against lips, but as Jensen moans into the kiss and opens his mouth just enough for Jared's tongue to wiggle in, it deepens. Moaning himself, Jared maps out all the spots in Jensen's mouth with the tip of his tongue he knows will lure out the most sensuous noises from his lover. Jensen breathes them into Jared's ear, pleading and needy and Jared smiles into the kiss, chuckling softly as his hand roam through Jensen's hair and along his neck. Breathing hard, they eventually break the kiss, their faces buried in the other's shoulder. They just stay like this for minutes, their arms wrapped around each other, hands gently stroking over back and neck, breathing in and out, their loved one's familiar scent in their noses while the traffic is rushing by them.

~~~~~~

Just as planned, they make it to Salina in the late evening hours and crash at a motel on the highway after having dinner at a diner. The ride down to Salina was pretty much uneventful after their angsty and heavy conversation. They stopped, for pee breaks and to refill the van and Jensen took some more photos. They shared kisses in the van and hugs in rest areas and they started to make plans, talk about their future, the next year. They haven't done it for a while, and it gives Jared hope that they are on the same page again, that there is a future to talk about and plans to make, even if it's only for short weekend trips in summer.

Like in the last days, they share their shower and Jensen's fingers make Jared's skin burn, just like the hot water that is raining down on them. They stumble out of the shower stall and rub each other dry in a gentle foreplay, lips brushing over skin, fingers tracing along their bodies, teasing and fondling. Today, Jared needs to be inside Jensen, needs to give him everything and he takes his time as he prepares him, gently peppering kisses over his skin, scratching his teeth over Jensen's defined abs, rolling and massaging his balls, stroking and poking his fingers inside and around Jensen's puckered hole. When he finally penetrates him, his one hand twined with Jensen's and this other wide on his lover's hips, Jensen's moans and sighs are like a love song and Jared rides him gently, breathing out promises he really hopes he can hold.

After their love making and countless kisses they fall asleep, curled around each other and somehow Jared knows, despite all the ups and down they will face, it will be forever.

# 6

They leave in the early morning hours, after a hearty breakfast in the diner they had dinner at last night. When they pass the border between Oklahoma and Texas in the afternoon, Jared, who is driving, takes his hand off the steering wheel and twines it with Jensen's. It feels weird to get closer to home; like really closing a chapter in their lives. “It's not the end,” Jared says, taking his eyes off the road for a second and looking at their twined hands. “There will be cons again, once the virus is only a bad memory, and you know, you can always direct an episode of Walker or well, play a villain so I can kick your ass.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jensen replies. “We'll figure something out.”

They make it to Richardson in the evening and are warmly welcomed by Jensen's family, his mother's delicious homemade dinner and Jensen's siblings, who came over to say hello. No one but Mackenzie knows about their relationship and like always when Jared is with Jensen's folks, he feels horrible about lying to them. But their believes and Jensen's christian upbringing was one of the reasons why they've never told them. Jared is grateful for them being actors, slipping into best friends mode, just like they do at every convention, smiling, laughing and bantering, their touches less frequent and most of all, less intimate.

Donna looks disappointed when Jensen announces that they are not staying the night, but crash at a nearby hotel. He tells her that they want to leave in the early morning hours, so they can be home with their kids and beloved wives before lunchtime and there is no reason for her to doubt her son's words. Some hugs and good bye kisses later, they're back in the van, driving to a hotel they've both stayed before. It's the first time they bother with taking two rooms; Jensen is well known in Richardson, and it's just too risky.

Jared feels like a thief when he sneaks down the hallway, knocking on Jensen's door and slipping into the room quickly, thankful that there are not too many guests around, least of all at this time of the day. They fall into each other's arms, not only tired from the long hours on the road, but also from lying and pretending and hiding who they really are.

“I hate that,” Jensen admits as he lays down his head on Jared shoulder and makes himself comfortable in his man's arms. “Mac hates it, too. You hate it.”

“Yeah,” Jared acknowledges. “I do.” Barely no one knows about them. Eric knows and Bobby; he literally caught them in the act, in their early, very needy days, and while he never betrayed their trust, he just had to fill Eric in. Misha knows and probably, a few of the recurring actors and those they did a lot of cons with suspect something. Jeff knows. Their wives and representatives know, but no one else.

Silence settles between them and Jared takes it in, this last night with his better half. Combs his fingers through Jensen's hair and along his neck, feeling the fine, tiny hair there, peppers pecks on his shoulder or chest. It's gentle and intimate. Jensen's hand is spread wide on his belly, his thumb painting unseen patterns into his skin.

“Jay? I um -” Jensen bites his lips. There is just a little light from outside creeping through the curtains, but it's enough to make out Jensen's outline, enough to see the sparkle of his eyes and those full lips. “I want us to come out.” Jensen's wish hangs heavy between them, simply because it is. Life-changing, not only for themselves, but for everyone who is involved with them, their fake wives, their real kids, their families. “Not like, right now, but maybe, next year? Once you finished shooting Walker?” Jensen suggests. “I know it's a lot to ask, but... like I said, I hate this. I hate lying to my own parents about something as important as the love of my life. I hate that there are fans out there who think I have sex with Misha,” Jensen spits out, shuddering palpably “while the only man I dream about is you. I hate that we have to hide, that we have to pay for two rooms at a hotel in my hometown, just for appearances sake. I hate that I can't hold your hand on a event but have to misuse Dani for it. I -”

“Hate it, too,” Jared agrees. He does and thing is, things are different now. They're not playing brothers on TV anymore. If they come out, they at least won't risk all those people's jobs. Just their own. He doesn't say anything for a while and Jensen doesn't expect him to. It's a huge thing to ask and a decision they have to make together. They have to talk it through, weighing the pros and the cons. But as Jared closes his eyes, holding Jensen real tight, he has a vision of them together, on a public beach, kissing and cuddling, their six kids around them. He sees themselves, holding hands during a panel at a convention and he has a vision of them, kissing in a crowded street on New Year's Eve, the fireworks exploding above them. “I think you're right, Jen,” Jared whispers against Jensen's ears. He is a heavy weight against his body, sign that he is almost asleep, and his heavy lids open just a bit as Jared speaks. “Let's come out of the closet. Let's finally make us legal.”

# 7

When Jared wakes up in the early morning hours, the rising sun kissing his face through a gap in the curtain, it's to Jensen's greedy lips wrapped around his cock. Jensen is but a huge heap beneath the warm covers but as Jared moans, Jensen lets go of his dick and surfaces, a wide smile on his face. Despite the salt and pepper beard and the deep wrinkles around his eyes, he looks young; eager and happy and this sight alone causes Jared's belly doing somersaults. “Morning, baby,” Jensen greets, before diving down again, doing the most wonderful things to his dick with his fingers, lips and tongue. His touches burn like fire, and the fire settles deep into Jared's belly, burning slowly and sending heats of wave through his whole body. Jared's own morning greeting is blown from his lips, replaced by a deep groan as Jensen trails his tongue along Jared's shaft, gently licking away the pre-come. Pleasant shiver after shiver is running through Jared as he is getting harder with every deft stroke of fingers and tongue. Breathing out Jensen's name, Jared is pleading, until he finally comes, spreading his load god knows where. When Jensen dives out, his face is smeared with Jared's semen. “Lick me clean,” Jensen commands, and Jared does it gladly, tongue and lips licking and sucking a part of himself away from Jensen's handsome features. He places his hand above Jensen's crotch, rubbing just a little against his stone-hard cock and he comes within seconds. Laughing, Jared kisses Jensen, deep and hungry, not minding come, saliva and morning breath, while he is tugging Jensen's smeared briefs away from his now slack cock. He tosses them onto the floor, quickly followed by his own that are already dangling in the hollow of his knees. Jared gets up, takes a sip of water and heads to the bathroom, only to come back with the lube that always travels around in his toiletry bag.

They both don't know when they can be together like that again. It might be in a week, in a month or half a year. So, before they leave the sanctuary of their bedroom and cover the remaining two hundred miles to Austin, they will make the most of their time together. They will worship each other, map out every inch of skin, from toe to forehead, will kiss and caress, lick and suck, hold and fondle, just to be sure to remember the other in the hard weeks and months to come.

When Jared comes back, he does just that. He takes Jensen in, this wonderful, kind, generous and gorgeous man, sprawled across the sheets, joins him in bed, and worships every inch of a body he knows better than his own. He makes sure that every kiss and nibble leaves a trace on Jensen's heart and soul and when he rides him, unbelievably gently, buried as deeply inside Jensen as possible, he is not one bit ashamed of a single tear that escapes his eyes. He doesn't bother to wipe it away, lets Jensen do it as he goes limp again and carefully slides out. “I love you,” Jared declares. It's so much more than a simple statement, but a promise, something to hold on to in the next few months, until they can write a new chapter in the epic love story of Jared and Jensen.

~~~~~~

Just a few minutes before noon, Jensen lets the van come to a halt in front of his house. It's Tuesday, and it looks as if Danneel or the kids have been looking for him, because the moment he opens the door of the van and steps out, the September sun warm on his face, the front door is pushed open and his two younger kids storm out of it. Jared's eyes are on him, watching as he hugs the twins hello, kisses and cuddles them, laughing, feeling lighthearted and free. Then Danneel is there, pecking Jensen’s cheek and giving Jared a quick hug.

“Welcome home. I made sandwiches,” Danneel says. “How about we first have lunch and then unload that van? Or are you expected at home, Jared?”

Jared shrugs. He misses his kids, but if he can have one more hour with his Jensen, he will gladly wait for that reunion.

“Come on, Jay, have dinner with us,” Jensen insists, curling his arm around Jared's wrist and tugging him down the way leading to the front door. When they are in the sanctuary of Jensen's house, Danneel having shooed the kids into the kitchen and disappearing there as well, brewing coffee, Jensen wraps Jared into his arms and holds on tight, slowly rocking him a little, his head buried in the crook of Jared's neck. “I love you, Jay.” It's a certainty, a truth, just like the sky is blue and the grass is green. It grounds them both and guides them into their future.

2.300 miles. 144 hours. Six Nights. That's how long Jensen needed to understand that Jared and he really are forever. That in the end, it always comes down to the simple fact that they are meant to be. That, no matter where they will work, be it Toronto, Sydney or the moon, and how long they will be apart, they belong together, for so much longer than just the fifteen years they've had so far.

The End

A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it!


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